We can blame circumstance, other people, God, and ourselves, but sometimes we are just avoiding the fact that we're in the messy middle and that things need time to take shape. We need time to take shape. We need to be transformed, and if we embrace the process, we can be.
I want to come home. I want to see goodness where I feel bitterness. I want joy where I feel pain. I want peace where I feel uncertainty. I want to belong where I feel disconnected. As hard and humbling as it will be, I want to come home.
"...there is no effort without error and shortcoming" - Theodore Roosevelt
Yet, there is no greater freedom than finding yourself at the foot of the cross, in the place where you are afraid to wait, where uncertainty and fear abound. That place is holy.
It takes the tragic death of a good person to make us stop rationalizing and start sitting in the brokenness and pain of our human condition.
The best thing I found after I concretely practiced gratitude for a year was that I found an abundance of love and gratitude where I used to find a scarcity.
As I recently told a young patient of mine, though we do not always get to choose our circumstances, we always have a choice in who we want to be. And we always have a choice to connect to one another or disconnect from one another.