I pray like an adult with a bulleted agenda instead of like a child who just wants to sit with her father.
"...he problem with reservoirs is that they take a very long time to fill but they can be drained by one hole in the dam. The actions of one person can destroy what it took hundreds of people years to build." - James Comey
It's hard not to dream of greener grass while you're standing in the brown stuff and to trust that you're not missing out on something.
Jesus wasn't excepting nor wanting me to be perfect in the way I thought of perfect. My version of perfection is a pedestal, a level that no one can reach where their body is impeccable, their academic record is flawless, and their personal life is unblemished. But Jesus Himself was battered and bruised, considered stupid by the religious leaders of the day, and had drama in His personal life.
What if we're not doing anything wrong? What if precisely where we are, who we are, what we're doing, and how were struggling is where God wants us to be? And what if, quickly and easily, God will lift our burden when He decides it's time?
Every diagnosis from a chronic, manageable illness like diabetes or Crohn's disease to a life-limiting diagnosis of chronic heart failure or cancer challenges us to grieve.
Our God is a God of miracles. Our God is a God of fulfilled promises. Our God provides and follows through.
Yet, my brain capacity is closer to that of a turtle than that of Our Heavenly Father. His wisdom is infinite. My is finite. I only know so much, and He knows so much more.
There's no physical nor scientific way Abraham saw the septillion stars of the universe and could fully understand God's promise to him. And neither can we.
Yet even Jesus, all-powerful, all-mighty, all-knowing Jesus, let go of His life into the Father's hands.